I Guess I Have a Blog.

January 1, 2010 at 4:16 pm (Uncategorized) (, , )

Here I am, waking up on the first day of a new decade. Two-thousand-and-ten is here, and I’m determined not to let it pass me by. I’m determined to… write a blog?

What an odd thought. I’m not sure where it came from, but it’s here.

And so for some reason, I find myself sitting down at my computer and beginning to tap out sentences.

I have decided that when I have an experience or an idea that moves me, I will post it here, for anyone on the world wide web to see. I will post it as honestly and as openly as I possibly can, in all its raw glory.  (Have I gone crazy?)

Here is what moves me today.

Someone once told me that living a fulfilling life is not about being happy all of the time, as many of us imagine it to be. Of course we’d all like to have more happiness in our lives, and we’d also like to have less pain. And yet, even if we have a generally happy life,  we’ll inevitably wake up one day and find that we’ve been laid off, or the neighbor kid has trampled through our flower garden, or someone close to us has passed away. Most of us are not going to be happy when these things happen.

But when it really comes down to it, living fully is less about being happy than it is about truly opening to this moment, exactly as we are experiencing it right now. Living is not about shielding ourselves from the pain, or running away from it, or drowning it with alcohol or television or the latest gossip on perezhilton.com. Instead, living is about fully experiencing that pain and feeling it freshly and sharply. Yes, it hurts. But the more  we let it in, the more we begin to realize that it’s not nearly as bad as we imagined it to be. We realize that perhaps our fear of feeling that pain is worse than the actual pain itself. And when we are able to stay with that pain, we find that it begins to dissolve before we even know it.

At other times, we’ll feel happiness.  Perhaps it’ll be as simple as sitting on the front porch on a warm  evening and feeling the sun’s warmth against our cheeks. At that moment, life is about breathing that feeling in and basking in it fully.

Can we simply be here– wherever it is that we are? Rather than running on autopilot or  staring mindlesslyat the television screen, can we  be truly present with our experience?

At the end of my life, I’d like to be able to say that I experienced it all. I’d like to be able to say that I was right there with my pain, with my joy, and with my fear– and that I felt it all the way through. I want to have truly lived that bittersweet mystery that is life.

I am now signing out and will be stepping out shortly to enjoy the misty Seattle rain.  May you all have a happy (or thankful… or tearful… or fill-in-the-blank) new year.

Thanks for reading,

*~*~ Therese~*~*  🙂

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